XxMuzikCattyxX

Having both is like having a shadow monster at your ankle, never leaving you alone, always attacking you at night, only letting you sleep to have nightmares or night terrors, if you ever go outside even for an hour, the monster will point out every time someone looks at you, everytime time someone smiles at you or even walks past you, you then start to think all the negative and worry and/or panic about the little stupid things. It’s like the only time you feel safe is when you’re lost in your own little world away from all the darkness and horror and troubles and monsters. No matter what anyone says to you, “you’ll get better”, “your fine” “stop moping about you look happy” these words are foreign to you, you don't know how to cope, you seem to be always lost. And as the months…years go by, it only gets worse, the monster grows, the monster invites more monster to join it, and before you know it all your dreams are nightmares and all your nightmares are night-terrors, before you know it you feel as if you can only venture outside if you have another person with you at all times, and now your little world gets invaded. Now your not safe. No where to run. No where to hide. You feel safe but afraid at the same time. The darkness soon takes over. The darkness over-takes the monster. Your eyes and mind becomes its gateway to your weaknesses, screaming at you when you look at yourself. It really sucks having both.. for 8 years now.. :/ 

Idk anymore...
i like drawing and creating art..
but these days it seems to be going nowhere

Too many people are staring into the "professional digital artworks"
What about us?
the non professional ones?
We work just as hard to make our work
We all have dreams to use our art skills throughout our lives

I barely get any feedback these days.. the most ive gotten is 2 or 3 people (if that)
If nothing is going to take me somewhere
If no person is going to look or notice
If the creative ones get passed, un-noticed..
Should i even bother to continue creating my works?
I know theyre not the -professional digital art- or the -professional traditional art-
But in a whole its the best its creator can do.

i am also speaking for those who wonder like me,
Why?
Why is it that nearly (if not all) the attention are only focused on those who do courses, on those whom seem professional in their field, who do concepts for games/movies.
Why not rest of us?
We put just as much hard work
We spend just as much time

Would it hurt to help us out?
maybe give a handy advice here and there?
Or even a nice compliment to enhance/encourage the artist to make more?

I only just realized how long it has been since i last posted a picture.. o.0

Not that anyone cared or noticed...>.>

Been busy with alot of things including making more NEW (epicness) artworks,
Ill upload them when i have the time
Which is idk when..

also

My tumblr URL has changed if your interested.
perfectlyredraver.tumblr.com/

rainbowraveangelofawesomeness.…

Me Tumblr.. warning it has LOTSA rave lights.
Feel free to follow me and i shall follow you back.
Please read my post on questions as i am allowing each person to ask me at the most 30 questions.
Yes.
30
questions
per person
Why?
Because i simple adore being asked things.
Read the post on the main page for more info.

Llama love all around

Confessions of a broken angel -
1. i cut my finger last night to feel a different type of pain
2. Im slowly getting skinnier...im alittle scared...my lower ribs stick out alittle now...
3. Im developing nightmare-disorder,,causing me to fall asleep at 5am
4. i can feel the darkening thoughts take over my mind
5. my heart was once filled with happiness, now it feels like its poisoning itself each time i have a happy thought
6. i dont bother to try anymore...i try to be strong but life punches me harder each time until i hit the floor
7. Nearly all the time this temptation to scream wont stop.
8. i can see myself getting depression again.
9. i hide the pain behind a fake smile, fake laugh, fake happiness, when my eyes are screaming loudly the pain within this darkness of mine.
10. Maybe i was destined to have darkness follow me forever.....to ensure its the hardest for me to let my heart love another
11. i can feel myself slowly changing.....im scared


Darkness is worse then you could possibly imagine
Think of all the worse pain and torture a human can go through....
its NOTHING BUT A HARMLESS TICKLE
compared to the true essence of darkness.

I have no one close enough to hold me safe
                                  - to make me smile..for real..

The person i care and adore the most happens to live in a different country....he knows of my feelings but i wish to tell him more....
Why is it that the person your heart loves have to live too far away?
Is this my punishment for trying so hard or my reward for becoming a broken angel again